Maybe This is Forever – Jasper Kerkau

Executive smiling and gesturing

I haven’t been this happy in a long time. The silence of Saturday night used to make me cower and cringe, panic in the restroom and bury myself under covers, waiting breathlessly for the sun to come up, for the vampire night to recede back into my nightmares. The fog of autumn burned off; a stillness and quiet flows through my empty house. I breath it in slowly, waves of peaceful solitude pour over me, smoothing out my idiosyncratic creases, taking me to a place most people live; a place I never knew–the world of normalcy and general complacency. Perhaps I could take up residence here, away from the shadow people and dark mental clutter that burdens me, leaving me washed out, shattered by suspicious conversations with everyone. Maybe this is forever. Maybe I am fixed, better than I was before. I can wake up on Sundays, make a big breakfast, do some push-ups, and spend a couple of hours in church with polite conversations and thoughtful meditation before returning to home and honest labor, cutting grass and sawing limbs, waving at neighbors before retiring to recliner to watch the game and dose off intermittently. Oh what a life I could have! How happy I will be from here on out. Everything is going to be okay. No more top secret distress over high cholesterol and the state of reality. Thankfully all the monsters and dragons have receded back into the darkness. From here on out everything is going to be okay. 

Jasper Kerkau (1/28/17)

Sudden Denouement Literary Collective

Author: jasperkerkauwriting

I am trying to write myself out of the darkness.

19 thoughts on “Maybe This is Forever – Jasper Kerkau”

  1. “…before returning to home and honest labor, cutting grass and sawing limbs, waving at neighbors before retiring to recliner to watch the game and dose off intermittently…”
    Oh my gosh, this made me laugh…(oh and not forgetting the push-ups before church), I thought of the brilliant tragicomedy the Truman Show.
    I’m suspecting maybe it won’t be forever, or hoping, or something. (I hope I’ve understood. 🙂 )

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  2. Jasper brilliant piece my brother. “smoothing out my idiosyncratic creases, taking me to a place most people live; a place I never knew–the world of normalcy and general complacency.” I’ve visited there before and even tried to belong a time or two. But alas it was never meant for me.

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  3. WE think of redemption as being slightly religious in theme, but as you said in your introduction, you are compelled to seek the truth and unpretentiously as possible. The only reason truth would ever be considered pretentious is because it’s said without belief, which almost cancels out the possibility of being the truth, though not entirely. Maybe a tiny part of you worries that you may feel the truth and still it may betray you, and maybe that will occur, but I am hopeful redemption stands for our walk through the fire into some form of understanding that frees us from the extreme pain otherwise for those who seek truth. In that vein I hope dearly this feeling you have lasts, but even if it should not, I would say it is that much closer to what you seek than it is far. xo

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  4. Top secret distress over high cholesterol! lol!! Jasper! I was following your old blog…I was wondering why I was never seeing any of your posts on my reader…! I am happy to have found the correct one for you. 🙂

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  5. enjoyed the piece, brother… a calm, relaxing stroll, with something waiting just out of sight, ticking, ticking… waiting to crawl out. as always, your style always pushes me right to the edge.

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  6. Be careful, suburbanites can also go American Psycho. Instead of the perfect business card and rejuvenating facial masks, there’s NFL and church. But all the same, if you stick to it for too long, you wind up with butchered hookers in your bed.

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